10 Weird Things about Vegas3/28/2015 Those comments might demonstrate my rather plebeian upbringing, but bear with me.
#1) Groups of ladies going out. They all are dressed the same. (dress/mini and wedges and same exact hairdo) Kind of strange. #2) Back fat is apparently something to be very proud of. And flaunt. #3) Back hair is apparently something to be very proud of. And flaunt. (dude, please, just…a shirt, that's all I ask) #4) Trucks with mostly naked people depicted on them, driving up and down the strip. Marketing must work, or they wouldn't be clogging up 6 lanes of traffic with these rolling, gas-guzzling billboards. With the exception of, I believe, San Diego, all of the US has snow on the ground right now. So we're all in the same boat, with no chance of warming in sight.
Thus I've compiled a list of things to do while waiting for spring (summer, for some of you) when the snow melts. #1) Ok, the obvious. Get busy…reading books. (What else?) #2) Figure out how to make a meal out of a 10 year old box of Bisquick, a can of Campbell's tomato soup, and freezer-burnt raspberries from 1989. And now the power just shut off. Go. #3) Weather channel on eternal radar loop + Zoloft + beverage of choice. (To be fair, I don't endorse antidepressants + alcohol, so let's just make that an either/or scenario so I don't get sued for bad advice.) #4) Dig out driveway or dig out car. Repeat. Cry. Repeat. Cry. #5) Feel sorry for dogs that have to go outside. Dig out dog. Dig out spot on ground for dog to piddle. #6) Winter luvin' appears to be the answer for all of my pregnant patients. However, it would appear that condoms turn to ice and break in winter. (Or perhaps the fingers putting the condom on are just way too chilly.) Regardless, there is zero use of contraception when snowbound. #7) Think about Jason Momoa. In Hawaii. On the beach. Shirtless... Super Bowl vs Romance Novels2/1/2015 Yup, procrastinating editing book #2 Relentless Flame again. So here's the result of this "idle mind"…
Super Bowl = Romance Novels 1) Tight buns (and we're not talking hairdos) 2) Glistening, rippling muscles 3) Leggy women watching with hitches of breaths, bosoms heaving and hearts thudding. 4) Secret codes and safe words (you'll never think about "omaha" the same way again….) 5) Gasping for breath, frequently Super Bowl ≠ Romance Novels 1) No hero smells like a funky-sweat locker room in a romance novel. Ever. Guarantee there's no "sexy musk" down on that field. 2) In romance novels sometimes the women play football. Really well. And always get the guy. 3) Does not require tackling to defend someone's honor. 4) Secret codes for plays. Look, all you need is an ex-Navy Seal hero to get everyone to safety. Duh. 5) Creepy big brother type with a headset dictating who does what. (Ok, maybe in some BDSM's that's legit. My bad.) Better than Prozac ™1/10/2015 I see babies every day of my work week and some on weekends. I live with cuddly cats. But this link has more serotonin-enhancing properties than anything I can prescribe. Just try and watch it without saying "Aww."
http://homerfans.me/cats-playing-with-babies-too-cute Queen of procrastination?12/14/2014 Ok, maybe I'm not that bad with the procrastinating.
But I tell you what, my warm-up to writing or editing will put a national league pitcher's pre-pitch ritual to shame. #1) Get in comfy clothes. Sorry, but business clothes are for the office, comfy clothes are for writing romance. It doesn't make the work produced less legit, just much more comfortable. #2) Check Twitter, my latest obsession. #3) If on my day off during the week, the next step is to log onto the medical record software and clear out any urgent patient messages or prescriptions, or put out fires or help get folks the care they need that cannot wait until tomorrow. #4) If on a weekend day, calculate how long someone will go from 2-3 centimeters to ready to push. That's how long I have to write, barring unforeseen intra-partum emergencies. #5) Check email. #6) Just realized bladder is 1/10th full, should go empty it. #7) Repeat steps 2-6 at least twice. #8) Hubby is either home or comes home. Conversation ensues, normally about sports. #9) Think about writing goal for the day. #10) Respond to texts from office staff regarding a patient with (insert urgent problem here). Reply or call as indicated. Or respond to phone calls from hospital, same concept. #11) Go back to thinking about the goal for the day. #12) Repeat steps 2-6 again. Look at watch to calculate how much time is left in the day. Should I get on the treadmill now or later? When to eat? What about that patient in labor, when do I need to go check on her? These are big decisions. #13) Oooh, shiny object! Twitter blinked with a new tweet, must see. Oh man, Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan never ever gets old. It's got the perfect plot: aging Captain Kirk vs. aging Ricardo Montalban, ensemble cast with a perfect blend of serious and silly, the theme of playing God with life and death, and the theme that the needs of the good outweigh the needs of the few. Oh, and several whopping dollops of hubris.
And who isn't impressed with Montalban's creepy, lightly oiled chest and awesome geriatric-mullet? Dude, he was 61 when he did this film. Not bad, Ricardo. Stayin' fit, there. Not to be outdone by William Shatner's (Kirk) awesome hairpiece and visible man-girdle seen beneath the santa-claus red polyester double knit Starfleet uniforms. And who decided said uniform pants would look better with the pant legs tucked INTO the boots? A 23rd century fashion genius, that's who. The doctor, Bones, does nothing but stand on the bridge and say pithy things like "Dammit Jim, (insert grousing item here)." Really, the best best line ever in this movie is the most impossible to deliver. And Montalban does it in accented fabulousness as he commits 100% to his crazy character: "He tasks me. He tasks me and I shall have him! I'll chase him 'round the moons of Nibia and 'round the Antares Maelstrom and 'round perdition's flames before I give him up!" (Anyone read Moby Dick? This is an awesome allusion.) The whole thing is a study in fatal flaws. Khan: focus on revenge. Kirk: reliance on the belief that he is invincible. So remember: Don't maroon a genetically-altered, long-lived evil genius with a long time to fester about the wrongs done to him, and then return to said maroon location thinking you'll get away unscathed. Worms in the ears, anyone? As a last parting comment, I shall simply leave you with: "KHAAAAAAAAN!" 1) Cups of ice with a splash of diet coke. (Come ON, just give me the rest of the can. I swear I can handle it.)
2) That toddler behind me kicking the back of my seat for 2 hours. Fabulous. Parents, ever heard of discipline, or are you just happy that ADHD/Junior is securely fastened in place by a seatbelt? 3) Inconsistent signage. (Thanks for directing me to pass through the exit/baggage claim, instead of veer off to the next terminal for my next flight. That was a fun re-TSA hour of my life I didn't have to spare.) 4) The flight attendant (can't call them stewardesses) with the really loud voice who is talking nonstop about safety (ok, important), miles earned (if I were a loyalty member, I would earn a free flight in, like 20 years), and destination information. It wouldn't be so bad, if she didn't pause to come up for air once. Like she's got a third lung. 5) The pilot who I can never hear, who could be telling me about the distance to destination and the weather conditions, or could be telling me about how the right engine just blew a johnson rod and we are about to spiral into the face of the Earth. 1) Public bathrooms. Have you ever watched how many folks DON'T wash their hands afterwards? Ewwwwww. Ebola is the least of our problems, if we can't get this simple task hardwired into the public psyche. Go to tooter, wipe, then wash hands. With SOAP. Rinse and dry hands. You can achieve the twelfth level of Resident Evil. I know you can do this simple thing to prevent enterohemorrhagic e-coli. Or measles. Actually, with measles you're screwed no matter what you do. Good luck and get your MMR boosted.
2) Panda Express. Dadgum, my stomach just got queasy thinking about it. 3) Customer service reps who fake-type on their computers. I know those perfect, evenly spaced keystrokes in concert with your vapid expression cannot be connected to any aspect of reality. The entire dog and pony show was created by some psych major-turned customer loyalty director who did a study (n = 4) that showed lots of assiduous typing prior to a boarding pass being produced correlated positively with customer service experience. 4) People talking on cell phones. While talking to customer service reps. Or while getting fast food. Or while in the bathroom. Dude, seriously? No one, and I mean absolutely NO ONE is that important. EVER. Ever, ever, ever. And you, Mr. Wall Street talking loudly on you bluetooth while gesticulating wildly? You don't look super cool and business savvy. Just schizophrenic. Red letter day!11/9/2014 Not exactly a top 10 list (don't worry, I'm done for a while), but here's the list of what I managed to accomplish in the past 24 hours. And BOY am I super stoked!
Woke up after 8am (only 1 phone call that woke me up last night -- huzzah!) Brushed teeth before noon Ran (slogged) 7 trail miles Cleaned entire car, getting rid of food that probably has developed its own microbiome by now Started Twitter account and promptly followed everyone in the entire world.https://twitter.com/JillianDavid13 And OH YEAH signed a contract with Crimson Romance for my three book series!!! YAHOO!! http://crimsonromance.com Release date for Hell to Pay is tentatively set for 1/26/15! Rumor has it, >now< the work really begins! Non sequitur Thursday9/4/2014 http://www.hulu.com/watch/536145 Please enjoy one of the best SNL skits "More Cowbell" with my sincere compliments. The joke in our house if things are nuts and it looks like it's getting worse, our go-to phrase is "more cowbell, please." Like, more ridiculousness, more insanity, more stupidity, more…cowbell. Why? Because it's the durn cowbell. Why not? "If Bruce Dickinson wants more cowbell, we should probably give him more cowbell." "We don't have a whole lot of songs that feature the cowbell." Yeah. More cowbell. |
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