…mostly because hubs and I would rock at these events. (We had free time. We made a list.)
#1) Checkers. Before you laugh, recall that ESPN considers poker to be a SPORT. (Seriously?) #2) Synchronized cannonballs. What’s not to like? This event would be even more awesome off the high platform, but I suppose then they’d increase the chances of broken bones. (If femur pokes out after the dive? Degree of difficulty: HIGH) #3) Eating chocolate. Dude. Just give me the gold medal already. #4) Speed reading. Yup. #5) Side eye and eyeball rolling. Points for distance and for snarky impact. #6) Riding that inflatable banana thing that you see at the beach or on the lake. #7) Maintaining a perfect 11:30 minute mile pace for 30 whole minutes. Play me the freakin’ anthem and pass the snacks. #8) No sleep as an endurance event. #9) Avoidance of housework. Complete with tiptoeing around hairballs on the carpet. #10) Competitive rock, scissors, paper Hubby and I were playing the hypothetical/impossible game of ‘what if’ a few nights ago.
To understand how ridiculous the game is, let’s call the proverbial spade a spade: Hubs and I are a short and stumpy match made in heaven. While we like to imagine that once upon a time we were ‘elite athletes’, the reality is much different. We’re okay with that fact. But for funsies, let’s go through the list and see what sports might net these two hobbits a gold medal! #1) Archery: Not really. I can’t hit a fly with an oversized flyswatter, and hubs would kill himself with the compound bow. #2) Rowing: While it’s a point of dubious pride that I have pretty amazing, flabby man-arms, it’s a foregone conclusion that a few rows with the oars and I’d be done. Snack, please. Let’s explore what ended up as some truly awful decision-making.
It was a good day. I’d slept more than 8 hours. I had eaten at least one serving of vegetables and only went for the office M&M jar twice that day. So to cap off the new health kick, and spawn increased amounts of bad choices, I read a magazine article. #1) Think hard about laundry. It might miraculously get done on its own. (image via Flickr and Wesley Underwood)
#2) Try to stay focused at work. This means no taunting, gloating, or loudly calling out how many days are left until vacation starts. #3) Probably worth figuring out if I have a passport. Maybe also see if it’s expired or not. #4) Plot numerous ways to sleep on the plane. Recognize that none will work and I’ll arrive jet-lagged no matter what I do. Sleeping Beauty was my favorite Disney movie when I was growing up. Her hair! Her pretty dress! Her singing! And doggone it, she was the nicest person, too. The scene where the prince (whatever his name – does he really matter?) kissed her and she wakes up? Perfection. But as I got older, I started thinking about what happened after The End? Did Sleeping Beauty get a job or maybe crank out a passel of kids? Probably the latter. (It >was< set in medieval times, after all.) Did she and her prince go off on a bunch of adventures afterwards? Doubtful. Bet she got stuck pretending to enjoy embroidery instead of getting to race around on steeds or something awesome like that. Well, that revelation was kind of a bummer. (Uh, that's it?)
Hate “springing forward”? Not me! Why daylight savings time is fabulous
It's understandable -- most people feel hung over on Monday from “springing forward”. Enter lots of grumbles. But here’s why I love DST…. #1) Taking hospital call on the spring time change weekend? 1 less hour of call is always a good thing! #2) The cats’ circadian rhythms are less aggressive at 5am. For a while. #3) Leaving work in the dark isn’t any fun. There’s something to be said for going for a walk after work. #4) I’m a morning person. #5) Who wants to wake up at 6 or 6:30 and it’s already light out? Not me. It’s nice to get some dark-to-dawn so as to ease into the day. What does Friday feel like?9/4/2015 Before I launch into a new list, let me explain why this post. I haven’t had real Fridays in over ten years. That’s when I started practicing medicine, delivering babies, admitting patients, and so on. The work model meant that if my patients needed me, I would come in for them. That model is great. But I’ve skirted burnout (ok, totally burnt to a crisp 5 years ago, no question) the entire time, which isn’t conducive to career longevity, to say nothing of happiness. I haven't said "TGIF" for over ten years. Now that's just plain wrong.
With some trepidation, I joined a medical group where my duties are the same as before. Only now, when I’m on call, I manage everything – all group deliveries, admissions, nursing home calls and the like. So, insanely busy but also super fulfilling. But when I’m off? Not on call but still working in the office? Going home after work? Off? What’s that??? Please walk with me through my first "normal joe" Friday in a long time. It was a Friday where I finished up in the office, went home, and turned off the phone. Wow. I can't stop smiling. #10) There is a sensation in my chest, almost like I’ve held my breath for too long and finally can breathe again. Instead of cringing if my phone rings, I know it’s something not-work, like a friend, or my parents, or hubby. #9) I made plans to do nothing on Saturday. And best of all, I’ll be able to keep those plans. #8) I made plans to do something on Sunday. And best of all, I’ll be able to keep those plans. #7) Hubby and I are going to go out to eat tomorrow evening. At a restaurant. And I’m not tense. In fact, I might leave the phone at home, and believe doing so will improve the experience. Moving again: What I learned7/29/2015 Just completed a cross-country move 1500 miles from one end of the Earth to a new rural practice/group at the other end of the Earth. At least I'm consistent -- I do enjoy rural medicine. And a new adventure is always fun.
But phew, I'm pooped. It's not my first rodeo with the whole moving thing, but every time there's a big life change, there must be lessons, right? Here goes.... #10) 2 drivers + 2 cars is much harder than 2 drivers + 1 car. Especially traveling through major metro areas together. Note to self: automatically add 20% drive time when it's 2 cars. #9) One cannot sustain road rage for 1500 miles. Not without precipitating an aneurysm. #8) Kitties + traveling = tranquilizer. And not for the animals. #7) There really ARE millions of different combinations of Subway sandwiches! #6) 2 Subway sandwiches/day x 4 days = unique GI consequences. #5) Driving 10 hours/day does not feel the same now as it it did when I was 20 and invincible. Now I say things like "dadgum sciatica" and "I have to pee AGAIN?" and "my dyspepsia is firing up again" (see item 6). Yeah, fabulous. My "active" vacation from hell7/14/2015 So hubby and I signed up for an "active" vacation in Canada. Hiking each day in fresh air, meeting the locals, eating fabulous fresh meals. And my parents would come along as well. What could possibly go wrong?
A few caveats, because I feel the need to defend myself before I perform the analysis of a some very bad decision making. Hubs and I are not slouches. In fact, we're training for a 1/2 marathon and can easily run 10 miles. The glossy trip brochure was not specific as to the schedule -- had the torment been detailed, we wouldn't have gone. The trip leaders were super nice people who worked hard all week long -- it's not their fault. And finally, I started the trip exhausted. A colleague went on emergency leave, and I picked up a week of Ob/c-section call the week prior to this trip, and in fact was on call up until midnight prior to leaving, which is not the optimal way to begin a vacation. I get that. No one's fault. The fault was signing up in the first place. With that having been said, I give you: The Great Canadian Death March -- otherwise known as a week of adult summer camp minus arts/crafts and daily nap time. If I won the lottery...!5/17/2015 Don't lie.
I know you've fantasized about winning. As I was shaving my stumpy legs in the shower this afternoon, an excellent idea came to me. Don't you get great ideas in the shower? Don't most folks? No? Let's digress for a moment: Not only do I engage in the BEST arguments in the shower -- I win those arguments every time. But it seems like most plot solutions and fabulous ideas occur in the shower. I also will get a phone call from the hospital about 33% of the time while mid-leg shave, which makes the remainder of the leg shave inherently dissatisfying, but that's another blog topic. Okay, back to the topic at hand. Hypothetically, let's say I win the lottery, and let's set a round number of $100,000,000. Sure, the government takes 1/2, so now we're at $50,000,000. Still a nice, round number, looks cool on paper, those zeros are awful darn pretty. First of all, I will stay anonymous. No question about it. If my magic 6 numbers turn me into a walking piggy bank, I want to donate money on my own terms and not wonder why people are being nice to me. So anonymous. Check. Lots of people quit their jobs and go on vacation for like, years. Well, all right, but I like my day job. It's fulfilling and tough, but at the end of most days I feel like I've made a difference and am satisfied. |
Jillian DavidAuthor, daydreamer, and practitioner of trying very hard to duct tape folks together and help when I can. Archives
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