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Things that make no sense about Star Trek, The Next Generation

3/6/2016

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#1) How come everyone speaks American English? (Ok, besides Jean Luc Picard, but he’s really French or something.) Did America win the universe and now every place in the galaxy has to speak standard English?
 
#2) How do we know that the entire series isn’t all happening inside of Q’s little snow globe of amusement?
 
#3) Rock climbing in the holodeck. How high can you really go?
 
#4) Why no changing rooms near the holodeck? Remember the mud bath with Mrs. Troi, Worf, and Alexander? Did they track mud through the ship until they got back to their quarters? Or did the mud magically disappear because it came from…a holodeck?
 
#5) How come only the Romulans and Klingons get cloaked vessels? That’s a bit unfair to all the Vulcans, humans, and well -- everyone else -- in the universe...
 
#6) In between pushing the “go” and “stop” buttons, what exactly does the ensign do in the front seat on the bridge? Seems kind of boring after a while.
 
#7) Starship Enterprise holds 1,000 people/crew. Where’s all that waste go? You never see a janitor.
 
#8) How do they get fresh milk?
 
#9) You never see them hitting space debris at warp 5. I wonder what that would do to your average un-shielded starship.
 
#10) Q: The quintessential deus ex machina storytelling device. Really? It just seems too…easy and obvious.
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Wrath of Khan: best movie ever or best movie in the whole world?

12/4/2014

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Oh man, Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan never ever gets old. It's got the perfect plot: aging Captain Kirk vs. aging Ricardo Montalban, ensemble cast with a perfect blend of serious and silly, the theme of playing God with life and death, and the theme that the needs of the good outweigh the needs of the few. Oh, and several whopping dollops of hubris.

And who isn't impressed with Montalban's creepy, lightly oiled chest and awesome geriatric-mullet? Dude, he was 61 when he did this film. Not bad, Ricardo. Stayin' fit, there.

Not to be outdone by William Shatner's (Kirk) awesome hairpiece and visible man-girdle seen beneath the santa-claus red polyester double knit Starfleet uniforms. And who decided said uniform pants would look better with the pant legs tucked INTO the boots? A 23rd century fashion genius, that's who.

The doctor, Bones, does nothing but stand on the bridge and say pithy things like "Dammit Jim, (insert grousing item here)."

Really, the best best line ever in this movie is the most impossible to deliver. And Montalban does it in accented fabulousness as he commits 100% to his crazy character: "He tasks me. He tasks me and I shall have him! I'll chase him 'round the moons of Nibia and 'round the Antares Maelstrom and 'round perdition's flames before I give him up!" (Anyone read Moby Dick? This is an awesome allusion.)

The whole thing is a study in fatal flaws. Khan: focus on revenge. Kirk: reliance on the belief that he is invincible.

So remember: Don't maroon a genetically-altered, long-lived evil genius with a long time to fester about the wrongs done to him, and then return to said maroon location thinking you'll get away unscathed. Worms in the ears, anyone?

As a last parting comment, I shall simply leave you with: "KHAAAAAAAAN!"

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    Jillian David

    Author, daydreamer, and practitioner of trying very hard to duct tape folks together and help when I can.

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