With the exception of, I believe, San Diego, all of the US has snow on the ground right now. So we're all in the same boat, with no chance of warming in sight.
Thus I've compiled a list of things to do while waiting for spring (summer, for some of you) when the snow melts.
#1) Ok, the obvious. Get busy…reading books. (What else?)
#2) Figure out how to make a meal out of a 10 year old box of Bisquick, a can of Campbell's tomato soup, and freezer-burnt raspberries from 1989. And now the power just shut off. Go.
#3) Weather channel on eternal radar loop + Zoloft + beverage of choice. (To be fair, I don't endorse antidepressants + alcohol, so let's just make that an either/or scenario so I don't get sued for bad advice.)
#4) Dig out driveway or dig out car. Repeat. Cry. Repeat. Cry.
#5) Feel sorry for dogs that have to go outside. Dig out dog. Dig out spot on ground for dog to piddle.
#6) Winter luvin' appears to be the answer for all of my pregnant patients. However, it would appear that condoms turn to ice and break in winter. (Or perhaps the fingers putting the condom on are just way too chilly.) Regardless, there is zero use of contraception when snowbound.
#7) Think about Jason Momoa. In Hawaii. On the beach. Shirtless...
Just got back from a medical conference in Florida (had to stare at the beach while in meetings all day >sigh<), and I couldn't help it -- my head started to compare this conference to romance writers conferences. Granted this was a conference targeted toward a mix of all specialties and some of the topics trended toward second career/post-retirement/transitional work. So, it's a skewed age group maybe, but there you go.
Romance conference = full age spread (20-80) and 90% female (scents of nice perfume)
Medical conference = age spread 40 up to 75 and 70% male (scents of old spice and ben gay)
Medical conference = acronyms for research studies promoting treatments that reduce morbidity
Romance conference = acronyms for "parts that go into parts" (m to v, v to p, etc.) promoting heaving bosoms and rapid breathing
Apparently, the 20 previous items I wrote about weren't enough. I've encountered even more things that drive me nuts about airports on my recent travels.
#1) Coughing. Without covering your mouth. For 1200 miles. Thank you, I expect to convert my next TB test to a positive result. Fabulous.
#2) Screaming…. wait for it ….. CATS? Apparently, pet sitters, cat hotels, or boarding are not adequate for these two mangy princesses. They are carried on, terrified, and wailing, for 1200 miles. Non stop meowing. I love my kitties, but I cannot take nails on the chalkboard sounds for 2.5 hours.
#3) People talking on the phone loudly in public. I know this item is a repeat, but it still drives me nuts. For the love of all that is holy, I don't need to hear about how "Bob is going to freak when HR tells him, that's BS, blah blah blah". Ok, if you're brokering a merger of, say, Apple and Microsoft, then fine, I'll spot you that one. You can talk loudly on the phone in public. Because that's pretty freakin' amazing. Anyone else? A little respect for those of us quietly reading our Kindles and wishing we were sitting on our couch at home. In silence.
Yup, procrastinating editing book #2 Relentless Flame again. So here's the result of this "idle mind"…
Super Bowl = Romance Novels
1) Tight buns (and we're not talking hairdos)
2) Glistening, rippling muscles
3) Leggy women watching with hitches of breaths, bosoms heaving and hearts thudding.
4) Secret codes and safe words (you'll never think about "omaha" the same way again….)
5) Gasping for breath, frequently
Super Bowl ≠ Romance Novels
1) No hero smells like a funky-sweat locker room in a romance novel. Ever. Guarantee there's no "sexy musk" down on that field.
2) In romance novels sometimes the women play football. Really well. And always get the guy.
3) Does not require tackling to defend someone's honor.
4) Secret codes for plays. Look, all you need is an ex-Navy Seal hero to get everyone to safety. Duh.
5) Creepy big brother type with a headset dictating who does what. (Ok, maybe in some BDSM's that's legit. My bad.)
Author, daydreamer, and practitioner of trying very hard to duct tape folks together and help when I can.
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