1) Cups of ice with a splash of diet coke. (Come ON, just give me the rest of the can. I swear I can handle it.)
2) That toddler behind me kicking the back of my seat for 2 hours. Fabulous. Parents, ever heard of discipline, or are you just happy that ADHD/Junior is securely fastened in place by a seatbelt?
3) Inconsistent signage. (Thanks for directing me to pass through the exit/baggage claim, instead of veer off to the next terminal for my next flight. That was a fun re-TSA hour of my life I didn't have to spare.)
4) The flight attendant (can't call them stewardesses) with the really loud voice who is talking nonstop about safety (ok, important), miles earned (if I were a loyalty member, I would earn a free flight in, like 20 years), and destination information. It wouldn't be so bad, if she didn't pause to come up for air once. Like she's got a third lung.
5) The pilot who I can never hear, who could be telling me about the distance to destination and the weather conditions, or could be telling me about how the right engine just blew a johnson rod and we are about to spiral into the face of the Earth.
1) Public bathrooms. Have you ever watched how many folks DON'T wash their hands afterwards? Ewwwwww. Ebola is the least of our problems, if we can't get this simple task hardwired into the public psyche. Go to tooter, wipe, then wash hands. With SOAP. Rinse and dry hands. You can achieve the twelfth level of Resident Evil. I know you can do this simple thing to prevent enterohemorrhagic e-coli. Or measles. Actually, with measles you're screwed no matter what you do. Good luck and get your MMR boosted.
2) Panda Express. Dadgum, my stomach just got queasy thinking about it.
3) Customer service reps who fake-type on their computers. I know those perfect, evenly spaced keystrokes in concert with your vapid expression cannot be connected to any aspect of reality. The entire dog and pony show was created by some psych major-turned customer loyalty director who did a study (n = 4) that showed lots of assiduous typing prior to a boarding pass being produced correlated positively with customer service experience.
4) People talking on cell phones. While talking to customer service reps. Or while getting fast food. Or while in the bathroom. Dude, seriously? No one, and I mean absolutely NO ONE is that important. EVER. Ever, ever, ever. And you, Mr. Wall Street talking loudly on you bluetooth while gesticulating wildly? You don't look super cool and business savvy. Just schizophrenic.
So I got my edits back for Hell to Pay. Huzzah!
So I'm at a conference about physician leadership and the business of medicine. Huzzah!
Uh oh. No huzzah….
See, these two activities will not coexist in my head without something crossing over to the dark side to relieve pressure before the entire cranium explodes. I cannot sit through Death By Powerpoint without editing the stinkin' slides in my head. Or continuing to develop better ways to "spruce up" the presentation language. For example, "Physician engagement in management decisions" really should be "Driving a stake deep into the heart of the evil overload of administration…." And "payment incentives based on outcomes data" should really be "in a macabre effort to flay the humanity from every physician, the diabolical management machine has created unattainable quests, knowing that the physician will perish of thirst before crossing the ever-enlarging desert of reimbursement". (enter maniacal laughing and a "buwahaha" and you have what goes on in my head all day long)
0400 Call from Ob department. Patient in labor. Check.
0400-0600 Cannot fall asleep, so laying in bed, calculating time of delivery for a typical G2P1 at a rate of 1 cm/hour average dilation. Between calculations, mentally edit Dante's Inferno.
0630 In hospital checking on said patient. Pooh, she's only 3 cm. Going to be a long day.
0730 First patient in office. Office staff excited patient is in labor and crams all AM patients to be seen prior to 1000. "Just in case."
1015 Pooped from double booked morning patients, catching up on notes with my free time. Patient 5 cm. Sweet, I have 5 hours until delivery at this rate!
1030 Get Twitter followers for my Twitterverse. Cannot respond as I am at work-work. In between office notes, jot down a few extra POV details to buff up Dante's Inferno. Pray that there will be a week to work on it before Crimson wants me to overhaul Hell to Pay.
Not exactly a top 10 list (don't worry, I'm done for a while), but here's the list of what I managed to accomplish in the past 24 hours. And BOY am I super stoked!
Woke up after 8am (only 1 phone call that woke me up last night -- huzzah!)
Brushed teeth before noon
Ran (slogged) 7 trail miles
Cleaned entire car, getting rid of food that probably has developed its own microbiome by now
Started Twitter account and promptly followed everyone in the entire world.https://twitter.com/JillianDavid13
And OH YEAH signed a contract with Crimson Romance for my three book series!!! YAHOO!! http://crimsonromance.com
Release date for Hell to Pay is tentatively set for 1/26/15! Rumor has it, >now< the work really begins!
Let's be clear here: I'm not the poster child for skinny. However, I at least walk the walk. If I tell my patients to do something, you can bet I'm trying my darndest to do the same thing. For example, it's not BS when I tell my patients to get an hour of exercise 5 days/week. It hurts, but by golly I'm on the treadmill after office hours walking my miles to the tune of "Bad Things" (the opening song to True Blood). To be brutally honest, I walk faster when Joe Manganiello's chest is on the screen. Carrot. Stick. I'm about as willful as Pavlov's dog.
1) (patient) I don't have time.
2) (me) I walk even if I have an 80 hour week. There's always time. Exercising cuts down on louging-in-jammies time, but there's always time.
3) (patient who is morbidly obese sipping on a mocha-choco-latte) I eat like a bird yet I gain weight.
4) (me) If by bird you mean pterodactyl, then ok. By the way, you're mainlining cream and sugar.
5) (patient) Just give me "the fat pill." If I had that pill, I'd lose weight.
6) (me) Folks can out-eat any pill I give them. Last week, I had a fellow explain to me that the cholesterol medicine I gave him "made it ok" to eat at McDonalds. (doctor explanation fail, logic fail, patient reality check fail)
7) (patient) It's my metabolism that's the problem.
8) (me) If you do no exercise and eat no fruits and veggies, you're correct. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
9) (patient) What about the new supplement/magic beans/super omega something that Dr. Oz is hocking this week?
10) (me) Sure those work great, if that's the only thing you eat all day. And congratulations. By purchasing the snake oil of the month, you've also paid for his kids and grandkids to go to college. That's money that could go to your Rec Center membership.
1) If she has an opinion of me, at least she won't blog about it (no opposable thumbs)
2) Never asks to change the channel
3) Listens to me with undivided attention
4) Does not judge me when I'm naked
5) Every time I come home, is briefly thrilled that I'm back
6) Does not argue
7) Does not use all the hot water
8) Never questions if I spend my day off in jammies
9) No snoring
10) Never corrects my grammar
Author, daydreamer, and practitioner of trying very hard to duct tape folks together and help when I can.
October 2023 July 2023 June 2023 April 2023 December 2022 September 2022 August 2022 June 2022 May 2022 February 2022 January 2021 November 2020 August 2020 July 2020 May 2020 January 2020 November 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 March 2019 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014
All Adventures With Hubby Airports Author Interviews Cats Fastdrafting Funny Medicine Hell's Valley Series Hell To Pay Series Medicine Potpourri Star Trek Top 10 Lists Writing Writing Vs Medicine