1) Cups of ice with a splash of diet coke. (Come ON, just give me the rest of the can. I swear I can handle it.)

2) That toddler behind me kicking the back of my seat for 2 hours. Fabulous. Parents, ever heard of discipline, or are you just happy that ADHD/Junior is securely fastened in place by a seatbelt?

3) Inconsistent signage. (Thanks for directing me to pass through the exit/baggage claim, instead of veer off to the next terminal for my next flight. That was a fun re-TSA hour of my life I didn't have to spare.)

4) The flight attendant (can't call them stewardesses) with the really loud voice who is talking nonstop about safety (ok, important), miles earned (if I were a loyalty member, I would earn a free flight in, like 20 years), and destination information. It wouldn't be so bad, if she didn't pause to come up for air once. Like she's got  a third lung.

5) The pilot who I can never hear, who could be telling me about the distance to destination and the weather conditions, or could be telling me about how the right engine just blew a johnson rod and we are about to spiral into the face of the Earth.

6) "Thank you, come again. Have a good day, now. Buh bye." I don't think they mean it. Especially after dealing with some of the gems on this flight. If I were the flight attendant, the only enthusiasm I could muster would be to get these pudknockers off my plane ASAP.

7) The toxic brew of recirculated air + sneezing passengers. Thank you for giving me and the other 100 folks any of the other 600 viruses circulating. And that cough/spew/sneeze combo? Pure magic. I appreciate you both liquefying then aerosolizing your sputum. It makes it so much easier for my nasal turbinates to absorb. I should be in the ICU after the standard 7-10 day incubation period. I'll start making plans now.

8) >3 carry on bags. Seriously? Three bags that are HOW BIG? How the hell did you sneak that mass of expanded suitcases and ripped paper bags past security with a straight face? And you're panicked that you can't fit those items in the overhead compartment? Huh.

9) Aromatic food brought on board. Panda Express, anyone? Next to me in the regional jet? I'm pretty sure some of your sweet and sour sauce leaked into my single small backpack carry on. Appreciate that, pal.

10) Musak of music that is already very close to being Musak already. It's like an audible lobotomy.

1) Public bathrooms. Have you ever watched how many folks DON'T wash their hands afterwards? Ewwwwww. Ebola is the least of our problems, if we can't get this simple task hardwired into the public psyche. Go to tooter, wipe, then wash hands. With SOAP. Rinse and dry hands. You can achieve the twelfth level of Resident Evil. I know you can do this simple thing to prevent enterohemorrhagic e-coli. Or measles. Actually, with measles you're screwed no matter what you do. Good luck and get your MMR boosted.

2) Panda Express. Dadgum, my stomach just got queasy thinking about it.

3) Customer service reps who fake-type on their computers. I know those perfect, evenly spaced keystrokes in concert with your vapid expression cannot be connected to any aspect of reality. The entire dog and pony show was created by some psych major-turned customer loyalty director who did a study (n = 4) that showed lots of assiduous typing prior to a boarding pass being produced correlated positively with customer service experience.

4) People talking on cell phones. While talking to customer service reps. Or while getting fast food. Or while in the bathroom. Dude, seriously? No one, and I mean absolutely NO ONE is that important. EVER. Ever, ever, ever. And you, Mr. Wall Street talking loudly on you bluetooth while gesticulating wildly? You don't look super cool and business savvy. Just schizophrenic.

5) TSA. (If I say more, I'll probably get the special "cavity" search next time I go through security.)

Bonus) Personal space. Ok, I know the seats are narrow and you are not. But the armrests are there for a reason. Do not push them up so you can "fit in the seat" because that is a slippery slope which will result in my suffocation by the end of taxi and takeoff.

now for the good

1) Loyalty credit card that lets me jump to the almost-first-class-or-elderly-or-limping line for boarding.

2) BOOKS! Cannot stop flipping through books. Booksbooksbooks. Paper smell, book spines lined up in rows on shelves. BOOKS!

3) US magazine (or similar). The only time I flip through those glossy magazines is when I have to fly somewhere. I'm like Pavlov's dog. A little sniff of jet fuel, and I'm putting down 4.99 for a People magazine. Every single time without fail. 

4) Opportunities for brisk walks or runs down concourses, while dragging a mis-aligned carry-on bag. Shoulder tweaked, neck tweaked. Still missed flight, but yippee, if I jog another 1/2 mile in the other direction, I could make the next flight out. Exercise + business. What a swell combination. Too bad there is sweat under my boobs and I have to get off the plane and go to a meeting.

5) The little light on the plane that means aforementioned moron cannot use his cell phone for the duration of the flight. (Unfortunately, now, he's ordering Bloody Mary's -- hold the tomato juice -- at 7am. I will pray for a BAC of 0.35 which is the level of alcohol concentration that induces coma. Or surgical anesthesia equivalent. I'll be happy with either right about now.)

(Bonus) Panda Express (just kidding, please pass me a mylanta, my tummy is revolting against the mere contemplation of this airport food court choice)

So I got my edits back for Hell to Pay. Huzzah!

So I'm at a conference about physician leadership and the business of medicine. Huzzah!

Uh oh. No huzzah….

See, these two activities will not coexist in my head without something crossing over to the dark side to relieve pressure before the entire cranium explodes. I cannot sit through Death By Powerpoint without editing the stinkin' slides in my head. Or continuing to develop better ways to "spruce up" the presentation language. For example, "Physician engagement in management decisions" really should be "Driving a stake deep into the heart of the evil overload of administration…." And "payment incentives based on outcomes data" should really be "in a macabre effort to flay the humanity from every physician, the diabolical management machine has created unattainable quests, knowing that the physician will perish of thirst before crossing the ever-enlarging desert of reimbursement". (enter maniacal laughing and a "buwahaha" and you have what goes on in my head all day long)

I won't even comment about how I'm editing the book's sex scenes during this conference. All I can say is what I'm doing while innocuously tapping out notes on the computer should not count as CME (continuing medical education). Well, unless the characters were to pick up, say, trichomonas, from said activity. And then require treatment. But then they have the wrong insurance and have to pay out of network fees and then spiral into a larger exposition about how the entire health care system failed them by not providing appropriate education and how they now cannot get married due to having to spend all that money on deductables. In that case, then yup, here are my credit hours, AAFP.

It's a little like Clark Kent by day, having pleasant conversations with pleasant colleagues over coffee, chitchatting about various medical practice models and how we're all moving into a new paradigm of physician leadership and pay for performance. Then the conference day ends and boom, into the phone booth, and bingo bango, you've got a slobbering romance writer. Suddenly the hair is in a Pebbles 'do on the top of my head and I'm in ill-fitting jammies and I've got Word loaded up faster than you can say "misplaced modifier". 

It's true. The superman concept is a poor analogy on account of #1) I'm not a dude #2) no one wants to see me change in a phone booth (NO ONE, trust me) and #3) there's that whole thing about me not being able to fly, but those are mere details.

Can't wait to see how I morph tomorrow's topic of "contract negotiation and physician retention" into something truly naughty….

0400 Call from Ob department. Patient in labor. Check.

0400-0600 Cannot fall asleep, so laying in bed, calculating time of delivery for a typical G2P1 at a rate of 1 cm/hour average dilation. Between calculations, mentally edit Dante's Inferno.

0630 In hospital checking on said patient. Pooh, she's only 3 cm. Going to be a long day.

0730 First patient in office. Office staff excited patient is in labor and crams all AM patients to be seen prior to 1000. "Just in case."

1015 Pooped from double booked morning patients, catching up on notes with my free time. Patient 5 cm. Sweet, I have 5 hours until delivery at this rate!

1030 Get Twitter followers for my Twitterverse. Cannot respond as I am at work-work. In between office notes, jot down a few extra POV details to buff up Dante's Inferno. Pray that there will be a week to work on it before Crimson wants me to overhaul Hell to Pay.

1115 Ultrasound demo. Enlist 15 week pregnant office staff and 22 week receptionist's daughter to act as guinea pigs. Get gel all over the place. See cute, wiggly babies, and everyone's happy.

1200 Call from Ob department. Patient is completely dilated and feels like she "has to poo."

1230 Deliver handsome baby boy, prepare to return to office

1232-1315 Postpartum hemorrhage, spend the majority of time in the bimanual massage position, clamping down on uterus and praying while drugs are being run. Look down and realize that my large scrub top is gaping and I'm flashing the entire family. Look down and realize there is really nothing there…to flash...

1330-1600 Right forearm/deltoid twitching from aforementioned hemorrhage maneuver. Training on new electronic medical record (EMR) update. Apparently, the system is so bad, we need a 3 hour course in it. Daydream about having some free time to sit down and edit edit.

1615 Sign off phone notes and refills that cannot wait 'til tomorrow. Home to treadmill.

1630-1730 Hugh Jackman, you brawny Wolverine of a man, you do know how to make a girl walk faster!

1800 Best hubby in the whole world cooks up a mess of squash, homemade mashed potatoes, and shrimp. 

1900 Pack for physician leadership conference in 2 days. Me attempting to mix and match clothes is like a monkey doing a math problem.

2000 Download more contest feedback and collate into files to take to conference. Yes, the plan is to do conference work in the daytime and writing work in the evenings. At least I won't be on call. It'll be a luxury.

2100 Jot down more notes for Dante's Inferno and start to get excited. Snuggle with kitty in a lascivious manner and prepare for a lovely night's sleep.

2101 Call from Ob department. Patient in labor. Check.     

Not exactly a top 10 list (don't worry, I'm done for a while), but here's the list of what I managed to accomplish in the past 24 hours. And BOY am I super stoked!

Woke up after 8am (only 1 phone call that woke me up last night -- huzzah!)

Brushed teeth before noon

Ran (slogged) 7 trail miles

Cleaned entire car, getting rid of food that probably has developed its own microbiome by now

Started Twitter account and promptly followed everyone in the entire world.https://twitter.com/JillianDavid13

And OH YEAH signed a contract with Crimson Romance for my three book series!!! YAHOO!!  http://crimsonromance.com

Release date for Hell to Pay is tentatively set for 1/26/15! Rumor has it, >now< the work really begins!