…mostly because hubs and I would rock at these events. (We had free time. We made a list.)
#1) Checkers. Before you laugh, recall that ESPN considers poker to be a SPORT. (Seriously?)
#2) Synchronized cannonballs. What’s not to like? This event would be even more awesome off the high platform, but I suppose then they’d increase the chances of broken bones. (If femur pokes out after the dive? Degree of difficulty: HIGH)
#3) Eating chocolate. Dude. Just give me the gold medal already.
#4) Speed reading. Yup.
#5) Side eye and eyeball rolling. Points for distance and for snarky impact.
#6) Riding that inflatable banana thing that you see at the beach or on the lake.
#7) Maintaining a perfect 11:30 minute mile pace for 30 whole minutes. Play me the freakin’ anthem and pass the snacks.
#8) No sleep as an endurance event.
#9) Avoidance of housework. Complete with tiptoeing around hairballs on the carpet.
#10) Competitive rock, scissors, paper
Hubby and I were playing the hypothetical/impossible game of ‘what if’ a few nights ago.
To understand how ridiculous the game is, let’s call the proverbial spade a spade: Hubs and I are a short and stumpy match made in heaven. While we like to imagine that once upon a time we were ‘elite athletes’, the reality is much different. We’re okay with that fact.
But for funsies, let’s go through the list and see what sports might net these two hobbits a gold medal!
#1) Archery: Not really. I can’t hit a fly with an oversized flyswatter, and hubs would kill himself with the compound bow.
#2) Rowing: While it’s a point of dubious pride that I have pretty amazing, flabby man-arms, it’s a foregone conclusion that a few rows with the oars and I’d be done. Snack, please.
Photo courtesy of Dan on flickr
#3) Judo: Hubs is super quick to yell ‘uncle’, so nope.
#4) Gymnastics: Although these cankles are super sturdy, I cannot touch my toes without rupturing a disk and going into traction.
#5) Cycling: On that little seat? Ow.
#6) Water polo: You mean “organized drowning”?
image courtesy of vic_uu on Flickr
#7) Hammer throw: Nuh uh. Hubs would brain himself.
#8) Marathon: Hahahahahahahaha. No.
#9) Golf: Only if there are moving windmills and bumpers for fun. Although I have heard the capybaras infesting the golf course are super cute.
#10) Steeplechase: Is that the one you can do on a horse? If so, then maybe
Image courtesy of Freccero Laurent on Flickr
On second thought, maybe not.... Yowch.
Author, daydreamer, and practitioner of trying very hard to duct tape folks together and help when I can.