I couldn't stop with the first list. I kept thinking of more...
#1) "Double header" = I use this term when doing both an upper GI endoscopy along with a colonoscopy. (Don't worry, we use different scopes!) The scopes are often referred to as "roto-rooters". (In some places, the GI docs are called "roto-rooters" -- it's probably a regional vernacular difference.)
#2) "Donorcycle" = Trauma patients who were riding a motorcycle when they had the accident. Sometimes these patients are described as "ART", assuming room temperature….
#3) "BOHICA" = Also not necessarily medical, but Bend Over Here It Comes Again describes many ER shifts. Many cluster-f$%#s in the office, on an Ob call shift. Anything.
#4) "Vaginal bypass" = C-section
#5) "CNS-QNS" = Central Nervous System - Quantity Not Sufficient. I use this term to describe bone-headed 21 year old males who rode on Donorcycles.
#6) "Pop drop" Don't ever do this. It's truly evil. Here's how it goes:
When family members become inconvenienced by granny's mild dementia/incontinence and caring for her is cramping their need to get drunk/high, go hunting/shopping, attend a New Year's Eve party, etc., they drop her off at the ER with a slew of nebulous symptoms like "weak in the eyes" or "poor appetite". Unfortunately, malpractice and family demands being what they are, ER docs must perform a full workup to make sure granny is truly ok. It's during this time of extensive testing that family members will DISAPPEAR, and amazingly the phones in which their noses were stuck no longer work until the weekend or holiday is over. So granny sits in the ER, kind of sad and hopeful, eating hospital sandwiches, cups of juice and graham crackers for Saturday night or Christmas Eve. If you ever do this to an old person, I will find you and do mean things. I'm a part-time endoscopist. Do not screw with me.
#7) "Two big dudes" = The exact number of attackers described by any male trauma victim. Amazingly, every single time there is a guy who gets beat up, it's always because of "two big dudes". I'm guessing it's too embarrassing to admit to "my girlfriend whooped my ass". Often "two big dudes" description is prefaced by the phrase "I was just minding my own business." Interestingly, in trauma centers and ER's, "minding my own business" is the #1 cause of injury.
#8) "You can't kill dirt" = The meanest, nastiest, most horrible excuses for human beings who have a plethora of impossible-to-treat conditions….somehow always survive and live to torment us another day.
#9) "LLMNLD" = Looks Like Mom, Not Like Dad.
#10) "WADAO" = Weak And Dizzy All Over. Not to be confused with "weak in the eyes" which, in Appalachia, is something very different, distinct, and requires "another medical test" that we haven't done yet (despite the fact that the first 50 tests were perfectly fine).
#11) Bonus: "WFD" = Waiting For Disability. I had a patient list that as her "occupation" on the patient intake form. Yup. I pay taxes for that. (By the way, this person was a little overweight, had nice gel nails, a new cell phone with fancy cover, pack of cigs in the pocket, and drove a nice SUV. Saw me for "tired all the time". Staff later reported that patient was seen twerking for hours at the bar the following Friday night. This is why it's good to practice in small towns. That's some good info right there.)
Author, daydreamer, and practitioner of trying very hard to duct tape folks together and help when I can.
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