My cats are paranormal beings

​As I drifted into a blissful slumber with my pudgy, special needs kitty purring on my chest, a new blog idea came to me.

I love paranormal and all its opportunities. So what creatures could have paranormal powers? 

Any of them. 

With that poorly-thought-out theory, I give you a new list:
Why My Cats Are Paranormal Beings



10) Healing: Faster than medication, cheaper than counseling -- petting a cat will immediately lower blood pressure.

9) Nocturnal: Everything paranormal seems to function best in the dark.

8) X-ray vision: Can see the sealed package of salmon inside of the bag of groceries I'm trying to sneak into the house.

7) Elastic powers: Can compress bodies to fit into spaces 4 inches wide. How? Especially with the one cat who is "pretty plus"? How is this even possible?

6) Mind control: Will stare at me until I pet them or feed them. I will do whichever activity they want.

5) Soporific: Will pancake into an amoeba of goo on my chest and that oozilation will put me to sleep instantly.

4) Super sonic hearing: Can detect a cottage cheese container opening from the far end of the house.

3) Telekinesis: Inserts themselves beneath my feet.

2) Septic abilities: Observes when any member of the household uses the lavatory. Uncertain as to whether inspection encompasses quality, consistency, disposal, hygiene or all the above.

1) Hydrophobic: Will levitate in an effort to avoid bathing. Mostly likely due to superior powers to change ion polarity between air and water.