Thumbnails

I have a condition called "habit-tic deformity" which where my thumbnails to look weird. It's been an issue ever since college. Habit-tic deformity is basically where a person focuses all of their anxiety or OCD or stress or perfectionism into a tiny area of the body where they constantly pick or poke at. In many cases, it's the thumbs. Even as a doctor, I understand what it is and what's happening, but it's largely an unconscious act. If I catch myself doing it, in my head I'm like STOP but then my lizard brain says JUST A LITTLE MORE. Recognizing what it is and trying to remove physical triggers has helped some. The research says I should work on "stress management," which only makes me laugh/cry a little bit. (because, of course!) For the longest time I thought it was just me and my stress causing this -- that I was an outlier. That no one else had this kind of thing.

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Recently, I was at an NRP training. (Neonatal Resuscitation Program) with a group of 8 nurses, anesthetists, and doctors. We were all working closely together and taking turns with the various tasks of neonatal resuscitation. Everyone had to take a turn at CPR and use the NeoPuff (baby oxygen/pressure device), so our hands were front and center. I had tried very hard in the weeks leading up to this training to reduce the abnormal appearance of my nails because I'm self-conscious about it. As we went through the scenarios, I noticed that every single healthcare person there had at least one finger that looked like mine.

There were two thoughts that crossed my mind:
1) I'm not alone.
2) Oh my gosh, in't that quite the statement about the stress of healthcare, to see every rural healthcare member there sporting a habit-tic deformity.

That's not to say that their stress could be from things outside of the hospital. But even if only half were due to healthcare-environment stress, that's quite a commentary on how it affects folks who work in rural facilities with few resources and do a challenging job keeping people alive.

All this to say, it's easy to say "reduce stress," but so much harder to do. (Magic wand to remove stress, anyone?) It's clear that the people in this group had likely focused their response to prolonged, persistent stress onto their hands, just like me. It takes daily or near-daily stress to create the nail patterns we all had. Yet here we were, refreshing skills so that we could be ready to save a baby. (which isn't stress at all, right?)

Once many years ago, a pediatrician taught me to "always examine the nails" because you can learn so much about so many other health concerns through the nails. It's interesting that I can use the nails to learn about mental health.