Why I would NEVER date Odilon

Poor Odie, hero of the third book in the Hell to Pay series, Flame Unleashed, has been neglected. I've previously explained in great detail with requisite gnashing of teeth and wringing of hands why I would never date the previous two heroes of my books. (Earlier posts this year.) But what about Odie? He must have some qualities that make him undateable, unsexy, un-forever-loveable. 

So here goes.

#10) Perfect beard scruff, not too much, not too little. Like a kid brother of Joe Manganiello. Dis. Gust. Ing. Who likes rugged guys like that?

#9) Intense green eyes? Naw.

#8) A guy who sacrifices himself to save his young daughters? What a turn off. Give me selfish fellas all day long.

#7) Immortal strength and stamina...in bed? That's a big cup of NOPE.

#6) Desire to make the world safer from evil? Boring.

#5) Desire to make a woman's toes curl? I can get that if I hit my thumb with a hammer. 

#4) Compound interest x 200 years = hot billionaire? Bleeeh. So yesterday. Give me something interesting, like a "Kudzillionaire's Secret Lover". 

#3) 2% body fat? Oh, ouch. My fingers hurt at the thought of being forced to trace the rock-hard, bulging, ripped pecs and abs. Um, well now.... Hmmm. Uh oh.

#2) Willingness to protect the woman he loves? Ok, maybe a tiny swoon. Just a little one.

#1) Cajun accent coming from a tall, handsome, cut, perfectly-bearded guy, who cares about children and the woman he loves? No way in....Hell. Yes.....