The good news? I love lists!
Ten reasons why Dr. Jill thinks you should get your colonoscopy.
#1) If you have any GI symptoms, please don't chalk it up to "nothing". Let your doctor know about it. This 42 y/o guy today? TWO+ YEARS OF RECTAL BLEEDING? Damn it, you want to know what I saw when I got 5 cm into his rectum? Let's just say the mass was bleeding and fungating. When I mutter "crap" during a case, it has nothing to do with poopy. If he had come in shortly after the bleeding started, this would have been a simple polypectomy. Now it's chemotherapy + a colon resection + possible metastases + …..? What a raw deal.
#2) It'll make your parents/family/boyfriend/girlfriend happier knowing that you're healthy. They don't want to worry about you. Why put them through the worry?
#3) All the cool kids are doing it.
#4) Propofol gives you the best nap of your life. Ever. And sometimes Propofol produces sexual fantasy dreams. For real. Patients have told me STORIES. Note to writers: a colonoscopy could lead to inspiration and narrative breakthrough! (Better than binge-watching Lost….)
Ok, this will be a bit more serious than most of my posts. But I did 4 scopes today, all of which had polyps/masses, and when I did the last one on a 42 y/o dude and it looks like he's got cancer? Well, then it's time to use this blog to say something more meaningful than the usual snark.
#5) It's way cheaper to do a screening colonoscopy than wait for symptoms and pay part of the fee for the chemo, central line port, colon resection, colostomy, reversal, and boatloads of doctor's visits.
#6) Haven't you always wanted to make medical professionals kiss your ass? This is about as close as anyone's gonna get. Take advantage of the opportunity!
#7) Time off work. Yippee! Vacation! I scope folks on Fridays -- wahoo -- 3 day weekends for my patients!
#8) Fastest growing group of patients with colon cancer? AGE 20-34 HOLY SMOKES. Read more about it in this article.
#9) You know there's a hot doctor/orderly/nurse/OR tech. Never know where that can lead. Makes a much cooler "meet" story than Match.com.
#10) You've been complaining about losing those 5 pounds. Well, here's your chance.
BONUS: People pay good money for bogus high colonics. Getting a real colonoscopy is an opportunity to experience a colon cleanse minus the patchouli oil smell and zen spa sounds, plus it comes with a good chance that it will actually improve your health!
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Author, daydreamer, and practitioner of trying very hard to duct tape folks together and help when I can.
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