Public service announcement : I am alarmed by the amount of disease symptoms found in the typical text of romance novels. For the health and safety of the hero/heroines, I feel it my duty to alert my author colleagues of potentially life-threatening character conditions and suggest care and management options that all authors can employ.
So without benefit of typing symptoms into WebMD, here goes. #1) "Her flashing eyes" -- Could be conjunctivitis, bilateral cataracts, or retinoblastoma (RB). Forget that RB is typically fatal by age 5 if untreated and your character is 25. We're not dealing in 100% reality with this romance novel thing anyway, are we? #2) "His heart beat a tattoo against his chest" -- Clearly this description represents atrial fibrillation with rapid ventricular response. Give IV cardizem and if that fails, push amiodarone. FYI, expect to personally drop a load when you give amidarone. This med causes a prolonged pause in the heart where the person looks, well, dead, as they can be pulseless for several seconds until the heart rhythm resets and "jump-starts." (hopefully restarts) Don't try to sing the song, it won't match up well, my apologies. This author is a little punchy tonight. Writing deadlines + being on call and hospital calling for pediatric admissions = challenges in time management.
Therefore, I'm rewarding myself with yet another list. And a Skinny Cow treat. Just because. On the twelfth day of Christmas my editor gave to me…. 12) Twelve dangling participles (Hurrying to complete the second edit, my computer locked up.) 11) Eleven instances of "look" (Thanks to Gwen Hayes, for pointing out 150 instances of that word in my very first manuscript!! Don't worry, that hot mess got shredded.) 10) Ten adverbs maximum. ("If you see an adverb, kill it" -- Mark Twain) 9) Nine passive verbs. (We were happy.) 8) Eight character arcs (How many journeys do these people need to travel?) 7) Seven hanging participles (Where are those phrases at?) 6) Six new Swedish curse words (very useful for international travel!) 5) FIVE SENSES USED! (ba DUM dum dum…) 4) Four turning points 3) Three comments to "repurpose the sex scene" (Is that like eco-friendly recycling?) (Thanks Julie Sturgeon) 2) Two tortured souls (well-adjusted characters need not apply) 1) And a crazy writer in a nut tree! Yahoo! So I'm not allowed to show the cover for Immortal Flame, first book in the Hell to Pay series. Yet.
But soon. In the meantime, I will simply comment on how fabulous and hunk-o-yummy it is. My professional (non-writing) reputation involves keeping my mouth tightly shut, so no problem there. HIPPA compliant to a fault. And there were palpitations when I looked at the Immortal Flame cover, so that counts as a medical condition. Thus, lips sealed. But the other aspect of that professional rep is that I stay exceptionally calm in the center of all everloving hell breaking loose. When I'm super passionate and energized, 99% of the time it's about saving lives, patient care, quality, etc.. It doesn't help to panic or get flustered. Not this time! 1) My cat needed to cuddle
2) That lady is completely dilated and her head-spinning exorcism of blood-curdling screams have my undivided attention. 3) Maybe I got an email? I should check. 4) Maybe something new occurred on Facebook? 5) I've been up all night and my brain is actually numb. Like it's bathed in ice. I can only stare at funny kitty videos. 6) Maybe I got an email? I should check. 7) Hubby complains: "Where's the return on investment for that writing hobby?" (Thanks, Mr. Navy Seals Book and DVD Collector, I wonder the same thing. Only now I'm depressed for both of us.) 8) Facebook? I looked away for like 10 seconds. What did I miss??? 9) Well, it's almost 8pm, which means almost bedtime and I have to properly prepare for snoozation. 10) That day job. And guilt about that day job. And an honest to pete desire to try to help people when their life is in danger. Bonus reason) Maybe I got an email? I should check. Odd realizations9/20/2014 It's not like I didn't know-know this information. But I definitely had forgotten about it.
The Heart of the West Contest. Apparently, it's for published and non-published folks alike. So I'm feeling pretty stoked about being a finalist in that at least two of the other finalists in my category have not just published but have LOTSA published. And they have really cool looking books, like stuff I'd enjoy reading, and have lots of >stars< and comments on websites like amazon.com. So it occurs to me two things. #1) Wahoo, that's pretty boss that I am in the same field with these folks. #2) Snowball's chance for me. And all that's good. I'm just more pleased about sort of holding my own with folks who obviously have had publishing success and lots of it. I am reassured that I'm moving in the right ("write") directions. Catherine finalist!7/6/2014 Ok, so things got even better this week! I received an email from Toronto Romance Writers -- Hell to Pay is a finalist in the paranormal category of their Catherine Contest! Even better, these folks give you time to revise the entry to submit for final judging by agents or editors in the industry. FANtastic.
Lucky me, I did not final in the TARA (Tampa Area Romance Authors) contest. I truly do mean lucky, because TARA returned judging critiques in time for me to use that feedback for the Catherine. (Wish I had it before the Sheila finalist entry submitted, but it's my bad not to think of those great judges' comments and questions.) Is this a trait of all writers or just neurotic ones -- to >think< the manuscript is "as good as it can get"? Until someone else points out very good suggestions or holes or ways to improve the work. I so appreciate the judges in all of the contests I've entered, as all of the combined feedback has been so thoughtful. And all of those comments, looking at the manuscript from different angles, all of that has improved the work beyond anything I could have done on my own. Sheila Finalist!6/22/2014 Got a call yesterday from Andi Leroy, Paranormal Category coordinator, at Valley Forge Romance Writers. HELL TO PAY is a finalist! Holy smokes! I had to confirm receipt of the finalist status by today, which I did. But it almost didn't happen. I was backpacking this weekend in a wilderness area (obviously without internet access). Due to misadventures including 20 degree nighttime temps in a 30 degree bag (that's a bad combo), high altitude sickness (we forgot to "hike high, sleep low" and did the exact opposite because, well, we're idiots), and hubby's utter boredom with glorious nature sans hot showers, we returned home a day or so early. So when I got Andi's call, it was serendipitous to be home! And I almost didn't pick up the phone with the Pennsylvania area code -- had to be a wrong number, right? Telemarketer or something. Nope. Real deal.
This finalist status is the closest I've gotten with HELL TO PAY. It's been a real labor of love, and I've worked for over 2 years on it, taken it through numerous exhausting full edits, and I'm just doggone proud of the final result. My hope is that someone else will like it. I knew I was getting close when I missed the cutoff for Golden Heart by half a percentage point. Close, so close! But so many authors get close. We'll see if I make contact with the brass ring at some point…. So I'll get the judge comments tomorrow and will have 1 week to edit and resubmit for a big-J Judge to review. Nail biter for sure, but at least I'm in the top 5 and that's at least a step in the right direction. |
Jillian DavidAuthor, daydreamer, and practitioner of trying very hard to duct tape folks together and help when I can. Archives
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